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How Should I Suggest to My Wife That We Should Go for A Fertility Check-Up?

Couple in the kitchen looking at each other

Introduction: Addressing fertility concerns is a delicate matter that requires sensitivity and empathy. If you’ve been trying to conceive without success, it may be time to consider a fertility check-up. This journey is best undertaken as a couple, as it can help identify any issues and provide a path forward. In this article, we’ll guide you on how to broach the topic with your partner, ensuring open and understanding communication. From educating yourself on the relevant facts to maintaining positivity and seeking professional help, we’ll cover key strategies to foster a cooperative and loving discussion about this crucial aspect of your family planning journey.

Approaching the Sensitive Topic of Fertility Concerns

Fertility concerns can be a sensitive discussion and should be approached with caution. If you and your spouse have been trying to conceive without success, then it is normal to begin wondering about fertility issues.

Fertility testing is best done as a couple. According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists (ACOG), this evaluation should be pursued when you have been trying for at least a year without success, or six months if you are over the age of 35. However, if you are still worried even sooner, there is no harm in wanting to consult with a doctor. Your doctor may recommend certain tests and scans to help understand why you may be having difficulty conceiving before recommending a selection of assisted reproductive treatments.

Starting the Conversation About Fertility

But before you can even book an appointment with your doctor, you need to figure out how best to raise the subject with your partner. This problem is common where one spouse is less concerned about the speed of conception than the other. This divergence of opinion can also make communicating effectively on the subject difficult. Fear that one may disappoint their partner by possibly being infertile can also drive such an attitude. Here are a few ways to get the discussion going and hopefully foster more open and understanding communication.

  • Know Your Facts: It helps to ignite conversation when you have done the research. Even without visiting your doctor, you can learn some basic facts that will help to better inform your partner on fertility issues and persuade them to get a check-up. For instance, if you are an older couple or one of you has gone through a severe illness like cancer, the risk of infertility can be heightened. It is also worth noting that many fertility concerns can be treatable when correctly diagnosed, and the sooner the better.
  • Do It Now: Fertility issues are often time-sensitive. The sooner you seek a solution, the better your chances of finding one. As soon as you begin to feel infertility issues may be the reason behind your failure to conceive, you should start the discussion. Family planning should already have been part of your conversations even before you got married so this should really be just an ongoing part. Keep in mind however that attitudes and feelings can change with time. It is vital to keep checking in with each other and foster open communication.
  • Learn Your Options: There are varying degrees of infertility and multiple options on how to resolve them. Research has shown that in many traditional societies there are a range of misconceptions and myths that can cause confusion and wrongfully place blame. Do not allow yourselves to be misled. As you have open discussions on your perspectives on family planning and fertility, you should also learn about each other’s views on such myths and fertility treatments. Where you have doubts, seek clarification from your doctor. It is natural to be influenced by one’s life background, experiences, and knowledge, but where there is a shortfall, seeking clarification from someone that is better informed is best. Do not mock your partner for not knowing something, rather, encourage them to seek out the truth, with you by their side.
  • It Takes Two: Fertility issues affect both partners equally.

At First Fertility, we understand these sensitivities first-hand. We’ve seen how open and informed discussions can significantly reduce stress and foster a supportive environment for both partners, ultimately improving their journey through fertility challenges.

Building a Supportive Partnership

Conception is a team effort. It is important to ensure the conversation is about both of you seeking to get medical help and finding a solution. Even if you suspect you or your spouse may be infertile, do not isolate yourself or them. Phrase the discussion in terms of ‘us’ and ‘we’ so your partner knows you are in this together.

Take time to listen keenly to your wife’s responses. You should be able to tell how much she values family and her willingness to take up the challenge alongside you. Sharing a common goal can help make it easier to plan how best to tackle the situation. This is a communal responsibility and you need to ensure you are both on the same page.

Be Honest and Positive

The reality of fertility concerns and family planning is that you do not always get what you want, the way you want it. This journey may be full of challenges and you need to accept the good with the bad. With good communication, you should freely express your frustrations and other negative emotions to your partner, without feeling the need to sugar-coat or blame.

Be prepared to share in disappointments as you would victories and allow yourselves to be open and vulnerable towards one another without judgment.

A couple sitting close together in a serene environment, talking and supporting each other.

A couple sitting close together in a serene environment, talking and supporting each other.

Even as you open up to each other, it is good to reinforce the positive aspects of your relationship. Remain supportive of one another and do not blame each other, no matter where the infertility issues lie. This will be a vulnerable time for both of you and it is advisable to keep reminding each other how much you love one another. This will be especially helpful in getting you through the tougher moments.

Don’t Give Up and Seek Professional Help

Initial conversations about fertility often do not go well. It can be a scary subject for some so understanding is key. If the discussion gets too tough, you can take a break to regroup. Do not put so much pressure on your partner and allow her emotions to run high. Think about where the discussion may have gone off the rails and consider another approach to pick up on the subject again.

Do not give up. The more communication you have, the more informed you will be on what you and your partners stand on issues is.

Your doctor can be a big help in getting factual information that will guide your decisions. But this is not the only help you should consider. Dealing with the emotions and fears that come with infertility problems can be tough. Consider going for couples counseling so you have a safe space to discuss your trials and how circumstances may change your hopes for a family.

From our standpoint, this therapy can be instrumental in getting you through the challenges of fertility treatments and whatever outcome lies ahead. With professional help, you can better safeguard your relationship.

Conclusion: Addressing fertility concerns requires empathy, clear communication, and mutual support. By staying informed, being honest, and seeking professional guidance together, couples can navigate this challenging journey. Remember, it’s a shared experience aimed at building a future together, and with patience and understanding, you can find a path that strengthens your bond and moves you closer to your family goals.

FAQs: Frequently Asked Questions

1. How Do I Approach My Wife About Getting a Fertility Check-Up?

Start by doing your research to understand fertility issues better and share this information with your wife. Approach the topic with sensitivity, emphasizing that it’s a team effort and that seeking medical advice is a step you both take together.

2. When Should We Consider a Fertility Check-Up?

The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) recommends seeking a fertility evaluation if you’ve been trying to conceive for at least a year without success, or six months if you are over age 35. However, you can consult a doctor sooner if you have concerns.

3. What If One of Us Is More Concerned About Fertility Than the Other?

It’s common for partners to have different levels of concern. Open communication is key. Share your worries and encourage your partner to express their feelings. Emphasize that addressing fertility issues early can increase the chances of successful treatment.

4. What Are Some Basic Facts About Fertility I Should Know?

Age, medical history, and lifestyle can impact fertility. Fertility declines with age, especially for women over 35. Severe illnesses and lifestyle factors like smoking and obesity can also affect fertility. Many fertility issues are treatable, especially when diagnosed early.

5. How Can We Discuss Fertility Without Blame?

Frame the discussion in terms of “us” and “we” to emphasize that it’s a shared concern. Avoid isolating or blaming your partner. Listen to each other’s perspectives and support each other throughout the process.

6. What Should We Do If Discussions About Fertility Are Challenging?

It’s normal for initial conversations to be tough. Take breaks if needed and approach the topic again from a different angle. Be patient and understanding, and don’t pressure your partner. The goal is to build open and ongoing communication.

7. Are There Professional Services That Can Help Us With Fertility and Emotional Concerns?

Yes. Consulting a doctor for medical advice is crucial, but couples counseling can also be beneficial. Professional therapy provides a safe space to discuss your emotions and challenges, helping you navigate the stresses of fertility treatments and potential outcomes.

8. How Can We Stay Positive While Facing Fertility Challenges?

Focus on reinforcing the positive aspects of your relationship. Support each other and avoid blame. Remind each other of your love and commitment, especially during tough times. Positive reinforcement strengthens your bond and helps you face challenges together.

9. What Are Our Options If We Face Fertility Issues?

There are various degrees of infertility, and multiple treatment options are available. It’s essential to dispel myths and seek factual information from your doctor. Exploring all options together ensures that you make informed decisions as a couple.

10. Why Is It Important to Keep Trying to Communicate About Fertility Issues?

Continuous communication ensures that both partners are informed and aligned in their goals. Even if initial discussions are difficult, persistence and understanding help to build a stronger, more supportive relationship. Don’t give up, and keep the lines of communication open.

  • Published on : Friday September 3, 2021
  • Last updated : Thursday July 4, 2024
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About the author

Michelle Tan is an IVF Consultant with 12 years of experience in fertility consulting. Having personally undergone IVF and surrogacy, she brings firsthand insight and empathy to her work. Based in Singapore, Michelle frequently travels to clinics in Bangkok, Phnom Penh, and Bishkek, sharing her expertise and supporting patients on their fertility journeys.