What Is the Role of an Intended Parent in the Surrogacy Journey?

For many individuals and couples, surrogacy offers a path to parenthood when carrying a pregnancy is not possible. Whether due to medical reasons, previous fertility challenges, or being in a same-sex relationship, intended parents come from a variety of backgrounds, but they often share a similar question: What exactly will my role be in the surrogacy process?

The idea of someone else carrying your child can be emotionally complex. Some may feel unsure about how involved they should be or which decisions they’ll be responsible for. In reality, intended parents play an essential role from the earliest planning stages through to the birth and beyond.

This article explains what to expect as an intended parent at each step of the journey. From legal responsibilities and medical choices to building a relationship with your surrogate, the more informed and proactive you are, the more positive and supportive the experience will be for everyone involved. At First Fertility, we work closely with intended parents to provide guidance, transparency, and care throughout the process. You can learn more about how surrogacy works here: What is Surrogacy?

Who Is Considered an Intended Parent?

In surrogacy, the intended parent is the person or couple who plans to raise the child after birth. They are also legally and ethically responsible for initiating the process, making key decisions, and ensuring proper care is provided to both the surrogate and the future child.

Intended parents come from a wide range of backgrounds. Some are couples who have faced repeated IVF failures or pregnancy loss. Others may be same-sex male couples or single individuals who wish to become parents but cannot do so biologically on their own. There are also those facing medical conditions, such as uterine abnormalities or cancer, which make pregnancy unsafe or impossible.

Regardless of the reason, the role of the intended parent is not passive. It involves participating in legal agreements, coordinating with the clinic and surrogate, and preparing emotionally and practically for parenthood. Understanding this role early can make the entire journey smoother and more fulfilling.

Planning and Legal Preparation

Starting the surrogacy journey involves more than finding the right clinic or surrogate. Intended parents must make several key decisions early on, including the type of surrogacy they choose and the legal steps needed to protect everyone involved.

Legal Responsibilities

Before any treatment begins, a legal agreement must be created between the intended parent(s) and the surrogate. This contract outlines:

• Parental rights and responsibilities
  
• Financial arrangements (e.g. medical expenses, insurance)
  
• Plans for medical decision-making and birth

Laws differ depending on your country of residence and where the surrogacy takes place. For example, Thailand permits gestational surrogacy for heterosexual married couples with at least one Thai national, under carefully regulated conditions.

Legal preparation is vital. It protects everyone involved and ensures the child’s custody is secure from birth.

Selecting a Surrogate

At this stage, most intended parents work with a clinic or agency that oversees matching and screening. Clinics like ours ensure all surrogates:

• Pass thorough medical and psychological evaluations
  
• Meet specific legal and ethical requirements
  
• Are fully informed and consenting participants

Supporting the Surrogate and Staying Involved During Pregnancy

Once the surrogate is pregnant, the role of the intended parent shifts toward ongoing support, communication, and preparation for the baby’s arrival. This part of the journey is emotional and meaningful, and staying engaged can make a real difference.

Emotional Support and Communication

Open and respectful communication is key. Intended parents are encouraged to build a positive relationship with the surrogate, offering emotional support while respecting her space. Some stay in regular contact through messaging apps or scheduled calls. Others meet in person when possible, especially during key milestones.

Clear boundaries and mutual understanding help prevent stress and create a trusting partnership.

Medical Involvement

Intended parents are typically updated throughout the pregnancy by the clinic or agency. This includes medical reports, ultrasound results, and health updates. If possible, attending appointments, either in person or virtually, helps maintain a connection with the process and ensures you’re well-informed.

Making Decisions Together

While the surrogate carries the baby, some decisions are made in partnership. These may include:

• Preferences for prenatal care
  
• Delivery plans and hospital choice
  
• Discussing post-birth arrangements, including when the intended parents will meet the baby

Being present, supportive, and involved shows appreciation for the surrogate’s role and helps prepare for the transition into parenthood.

Taking Responsibility and Legal Steps After Birth

The moment the baby arrives is full of emotion, but the role of the intended parent doesn’t stop at delivery. There are still important responsibilities to manage, both legally and emotionally.

Legal Recognition and Custody

Depending on local laws, intended parents may need to finalise legal paperwork to establish full parental rights after birth. This can involve:

• Transferring legal custody from the surrogate (if not already established)
  
• Obtaining the child’s birth certificate with the correct parental names
  
• Applying for travel documents or a passport if returning to another country

This process varies by country, so it’s important to be prepared well in advance.

Emotional Transition to Parenthood

Holding your baby for the first time is a powerful experience. For some, it comes with mixed feelings, especially if they weren’t able to carry the child themselves. It’s natural to feel joy, relief, and even anxiety all at once.

Early bonding is important, and many intended parents choose to be present at the birth, hold the baby right away, and begin caring for them immediately. Over time, nurturing routines help strengthen the parent-child connection.

Some parents also choose to tell their child about their surrogacy story as they grow. This can be a positive and empowering narrative when shared with honesty and care.

The Role of First Fertility in Supporting Intended Parents

Navigating surrogacy can feel overwhelming at times, especially if you’re managing both medical and legal steps in a country different from your own. That’s where working with an experienced clinic makes a meaningful difference.

At First Fertility, we guide intended parents through every part of the surrogacy process. From initial consultations to post-birth legal paperwork, our team is here to support you with compassion, clarity, and professionalism.

How We Help

• Matching and screening: We coordinate ethical surrogate matching and ensure all parties are medically and emotionally prepared.
  
• IVF and embryo transfer: Our fertility specialists manage all medical steps, including stimulation, fertilisation, and embryo transfer.
  
• Ongoing communication: Intended parents receive regular updates and support throughout the pregnancy, even if they’re based overseas.
  
• Legal coordination: We work with legal professionals to ensure parental rights are secure and all necessary documentation is completed.

Whether you’re based in Southeast Asia, Europe, or India, our multilingual team helps simplify each stage so you can focus on the joy of building your family. Learn more about how we support you at every step.